my first paid vacation.

I could get used to this. This past week I got to hike the Chilkoot trail for four days. It was amazing!! I actually got paid to go backpacking and take a train back to Skagway through the White Pass canyon. It was BEAUTIFUL. Honestly, I often feel like a painted character in a children's storybook. . .things are so picturesque here and I never get used to it! Hiking the trail was particularly fun b/c I got to hike with Brian for the whole US side (before we cross into British Columbia). We (Janae and I) stayed at his cabin. It has the most amazing view-- not to mention that the outhouse only has a screen so you can check out the beautiful view there too! We made bread, soup and brownies, played guitar and sang, read Conference talks and talked. I stayed in the loft of the cabin with overlooks the river. I just needed a pile of hay and a quilt and I swear I could have been Heidi. It was fantastic!

The next day we hiked over the "golden staircase" (it felt like hiking a snowy ladder it was so steep) and into Canada. Brian had the key to the Ranger station up there, so we made lunch, dried off and warmed ourselves up (at this point we were in the clouds and on the snow), and took a nap on the floor. Unfortunately, I melted my shoes which proved quite uncomfortable the rest of the way. When we continued on, I felt like I was hiking in Antarctica. . . it was completely white in all directions (not to mention the thick cloud of white all around us). The only thing leading us in the right direction were the red markers spaced 10 feet apart. In an hour we broke through the clouds and into the sun. The snow at this point was melting and Crevasses were opening up. It was a beautiful brilliant blue color. Huge chunks of snow had broken off and were floating next to the river. In a few more miles we were out of the snow and back to rocky tundra. . .which later turned into beautiful forests with wildflowers.

Since then, I have been working and playing mostly. Brian hiked out yesterday to finish his shift, so I think we are going to take the ferry to Juneau or to the Arctic Circle (and watch the sun never set).

Just call me "Park Ranger" (that is now my name)

Gutted

There are certain phrases that feel like that one part on mortal combat-- especially where the fighter rips in and holds the beating virtual heart. I remember seeing this video game at my cousin's house and thinking, "sick..." but that image is less virtual and more reality lately. I feel like I am not in control of my own emotions, but someone else is gripping them. Economics might tell me to evaluate the cost/benefit ratio of this relationship. The scales are tipping and only my subconscious seems concerned.

Looking to Alaska

The first photo is of Brian and I in the yard (his hammock)lounging around on a Sunday afternoon. The second is on top of AB mountain. It was such a fun hike! I know you love the 80s hiker look I have goin on. The next is a photo of Skagway and the last is actually in Provo on a hike I went on with Matt Baird-- but I feel like it looks like I've either just been on a journey or am looking forward to one.

I would walk 500 miles . . .

Okay, maybe not, but I would fly 3,800, drive another 800 and then hike another 10. Last night I ran 10 miles to see Brian. He ran 22. It was exhilerating! It was an amazing sunny evening-- the snow on the mountains, the river rushing by, the ferns glowing green and the moss covering the huge trees. Spruce, hemlocks, berrys and flowers! I ran banging a pot and a spoon to scare away any bears. A little unecessary perhaps, but it eased my nerves when I was alone. It was brilliant (to be said like the many aussies and brits that come into the trail center).

I have been watching national geographic specials inbetween work, eating running and sleeping. I watched a great one on grizzly bears and another on killer whales. There are over 100 mormon kids in this town. That means we make up 1/8 of the population. I think everyone should come up and hike the Chilkoot trail (33 miles and crosses the canadian boarder).

hiatus

Should I whoop and hollar? The bluegrass band came into the trail center yesterday and found out I was from NC. I could feel it suck whatever southern drawl I still have left right out of me. I have met some dang cool people up here from all over and I have realized that I never want to return to Provo again. It feels like training for white middle class america. I don't even want that. I don't want some lame cookie-cutter track home with a fat mailbox that has three bills and post card from my neighbor in vegas. I want to live in a yert. I want to have dogs. I want to invent my own breads and write books. I think I'm getting scared. I can feel the dorsiflexion in my feet trying to halt the forward movement. Is this normal?

So I am the most sure unsure person I know. I don't know if I want what I thought I wanted. I hate it when this happens. It rarely happens with food, and perhaps that's why we have such a good relationship.